Where it all started (My Story Part 1)

I was born to a Southern Baptist Pastor and his wife. As I grew up that was all I really knew. When I was eight or nine years old, I can remember my father calling me into his office one afternoon and sharing with me exactly what Jesus had done on the cross, why He had done it, and that He rose from the dead. Dad asked, after sharing some scripture with me, if I believed this story and wanted to pray. I did exactly what I thought he wanted me to do, I prayed. Again, the following Sunday, I did exactly as my father wanted me to do. I walked down the aisle and stood in front of everyone as Dad told the church members what had happened. Before I knew it, I was baptized, but nothing seemed any different than it ever had.

Not long after that, I can remember sitting around our dining room table as my father, the preacher, said he was leaving. He and Mom had decided it was best. There were things going on we had not known about, but what really mattered was that now, Dad was gone. He no longer preached, and we did not even really go to church anymore. The next time I remember seeing my Dad, he had taken up smoking and drinking. I remember an apartment he stayed in having pornographic materials in it. I will never forget how let down I felt. My brothers, sisters, and I lost it. Every one of us may have reacted differently, but in reality it all came down to the fact that we were rebelling against the truth that Dad taught us. Our lives had been turned upside down and the man that was supposed to be protecting and providing for us had disappeared.

By the time I was ten years old, I had started smoking. I was not smoking a pack a day, obviously, but I would smoke several cigarettes every day. I was drunk for the first time about a year later, and I was looking at porn magazines shortly after that. My language was absolutely terrible. At twelve years old, I had a better grasp of the use of cuss words than most high school kids did. I was constantly in trouble. The neighbors called the police several times. Parents that lived in the neighborhood would warn new parents about us. The ironic thing was that it seems that their kids never stopped playing with us. I certainly was not going to win any awards for being an upstanding citizen. In fact, as I see it today, I realize that I was a punk that cared about no one but himself.

As I got older things only got worse. After finding out a girlfriend had cheated on me, I swore I would never be hurt by anyone like that again. I would never let myself feel that way again. I used girls for my own selfish purposes. These were not all sexual, that was a big part of it, but not all of it. I wanted someone that made me feel important. I looked for my identity in one superficial relationship after another. I was as conceited as they come. To tell the truth, I had become my own god, and I really wanted others to worship me.

What I did not realize then, but do now, is that I had a problem with sin. I was not a sinner because I sinned. I sinned because I was a sinner. I was lost. I thought I had all of the answers and knew exactly what I needed. I did not. I tried repeatedly to figure things out on my own. No matter what I tried, I always found myself back in the same place, wandering, confused, empty, lonely, and miserable. I was trying to find something, but I did not know what it was. I knew in my mind that there was an answer, but I did not know where to find it.

One Sunday morning sitting in a little church, it found me. My intention in going to church that morning was strictly to impress some people who would be there. I had no idea that God would use this event in my life in such a powerful way. I sat there and listened to a man share his testimony about how God had changed his life forever. I could almost hear the Holy Spirit calling my name out loud. This was not just his story, it sounded exactly like mine. I had the strongest sense that I needed to respond right then, almost as if this was my last chance. I cried out to God and begged Him to forgive me, and I have no doubt that He did.

My life was changed. He had already begun to work in me, cleansing me, transforming me, and I would never be the same again.